FY 10 In Search for World Peace
Author: japancat
Content Rating: T-13
Published: 2012-07-18 00:11:24
Tags: Yu Yu Hakusho, Humor, Parody

Enki seeks some advice on how to manage his new kingdom.

Author´s Notes and Disclaimers:
I mention a doujinshi called "Hiei's-chan's Little Book." I was referencing a chapter based on chapter 172 in the manga, a Special Day. I think you can find it scanned and translated online. Otherwise... You can ask me. If I email it to you, don't be freaked out if you see one called "Good Morning." You know, where Yusuke and Hiei lay eggs and then eat said eggs. No joke.
Chapter 10
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Hello, I am Enki, current King of Demon World. My mission is to follow in Raizen's footsteps and be as good a king as he was. But I don't have enough experience in world affairs or politics- unless you count what people say in bars (my wife's rants when she's a little tipsy) My first order of business was about getting the three ex-empires of Demon World to get along, and to help me figure out how to get this done, I ordered Mukuro and Yomi to come talk to me, and hopefully get them to help me in other ways. But the problem is… They really don't get along. STILL.

"Okay, so I call this meeting to action," Enki said. He looked at the two other demons at the table. Mukuro was busy investigating her nails, to avoid knowing she was in the same room as Yomi while Yomi strummed his knuckles on the table. Enki cleared his throat, "So I know you two know why you're here, and I hope you two both know that I need your help urgently. If we're to make sure that the world can unite peacefully, then I need some extra advice before I make a mistake."

It was silent.

His face twitched in anxiety. "Um… So I'm not sure what to say, so if you could just start and give me suggestions and we could… debate it, I would… appreciate… it?"

Mukuro looked up. "Well, you should realize that it would take several years at the least for the states to ever live in peace? I'm not just saying this with the obvious social problems in mind. These states have different strengths and they can't exactly work together."

"There you go away with your stupid ideals, woman," Yomi said. "Of course we can coexist."

"Then explain."

"It's obvious. We all speak the same language."

Mukuro paused and waited. "So that's it? That's all you have to say for yourself?"

"What, you have a problem with optimism? This is why your kingdom failed."

"No, I'm saying it's unrealistic until you happen to come up with an argument that makes an iota of sense. Of course we all speak the same language, but there has to be some sort of other explanation about how you seem to think that everyone can coexist after over five hundred years."

"What convinces you that this wouldn't work?"

"What about you?"

"Well, you guys, I could use some… suggestions, so if we could get back to the topic," Enki said, his face twitching more.

"Honestly, sir, I think that I would be your only help at this point. I don't suppose Yomi would in any way be able to tell you what you can improve on since he's so convinced everything is fine as is, though he hasn't even the maturity to attempt to put aside any qualms he holds against me in order to do anything for you," Mukuro replied. "Personally what I'd propose is by starting out by putting advisers and other programs within each state so if anyone travels outside of their previous homes they wouldn't remain outsiders. Anything else you might do would have to take time. Like I said, there are deep social issues in between each state and that would make everything much harder to deal with."

"Nonsense. Though what you just said only implies that you think the states do coexist!" Yomi replied.

"Are you… I'm saying it can be possible, I suppose, after several thousand years when all the nationalists are dead or senile."

"What? By you killing them all?"

"You did the same, did you not? You even let slavery just slide in your country. What the bloody hell do you think that's going to do? If anyone's guilty of genocide or senseless killings, it's you."

"Excuse me? I'm not the one who forces my people into doing things they don't want you. I'd hate to imagine what you do to that poor fellow that's less than one sixteenth your age from what I'm gathering."

"So not only are you accusing me of being a tyrant as you always do but you're accusing me of being a rapist?" She picked up a thousand page Stephen Ki- sorry, thousand page book listing all of Demon World's laws, getting ready to hurl it at him. But there were two problems with doing so: One, Yomi could easily tell that it was coming his way and dodge it and Two, it was a god forsaken book of laws and she wasn't willing to seem like an anarchist at a meeting like this. "I ought to give you a beating, but that would require an explanation. And a nice sharp blunt object. Besides that, where I'm from we don't hit little girls."

"Ha-ha! A woman telling me that? I suppose that doesn't apply to little boys."

"If you had eyes, I would rip them out this minute!"

"Okay, both of you- this has to stop!" Enki said before silently apologizing since he didn't enjoy yelling at other people who were more or less his age… maybe. Though, the point is that unless you have rosy cheeks and talk in some sort of pseudo-lisp that comes with being a child for some reason, Enki will refuse to scold you without feeling bad. In fact, thinking of Lively Little Hiei-chan's book, makes him cry every time, especially when he got smacked by… holy shit, Mukuro! That horrible woman. Can't treat children right. But he couldn't find it in his heart to scold her about it… and then he wondered what Mukuro was like as a toddler and thought of her with chubby toddler legs. And then there was Yomi and Raizen who he also made into toddlers… it's… so… cute, he can't help it. It's so much squee fuel but god help them if they eat all the breadsticks, they will all get a bad spanking…

"Is he still with us?" Yomi asked. "I feel blood rushing to his… I'm not sure I'm entirely comfortable with this situation."

"Pssh, you're the one who decided to make this conversation uncomfortable," Mukuro replied.

"I don't need to make it uncomfortable, you do it just by walking in the room with your screwed up face."

"You can't even see therefore, you cannot be the judge of that."

"You have not heard what everyone says about your scars."

"That's besides the point. You can't judge a visual impairment without being able to see with your own eyes. Do you mind waking him up? I actually have something important that I should be getting to in twenty minutes."

"You don't have anything to get to."

"You also seem to think disagreeing with me is your sole purpose in life. Let's say… the sky is blue."

"Nonsense, the sky is red. Look out the bloody window and you can tell. I know it is and it will always be so!"

"That's the answer to that. Now would you wake this man up so we can get through this meeting and will you actually give him something he can work with so he can think that we've helped him in some way?"

"What, so he quests for brains never knowing that he had some all along?" She shrugged and Yomi grabbed the book of laws and dropped it, removing Enki from his fantasy involving screaming at the toddler kings. "Well, now that I have your undivided attention, I guess I would like to agree with Mukuro that some sort of embassy be placed in each of the three states in order to ensure that things run smoothly as people move from one part of the world to the other. I would also like to remind you that it would be best to start teaching some sort of multiculturalism in schools so that children can help change the adults. If you want change, you should start with the youth and then they will grow to change the rest of society. We can coexist quickly only because I'm sure the people in the world would be able to see what really bunds us all together since there are no borders which bar us from doing so. I have no other suggestions other than to wait and see. If you decide you still have problems then you should call me personally since someone in this room refuses to comply."

"Well… Meeting adjourned," Enki said and the two other demons walked out.

Yomi stopped Mukuro in the middle of the hall. "Mukuro, I have something to ask."

"The answer's no," Mukuro replied.

"You don't even know what I was going to say."

"The answer's still the same."

"I was going to ask if you had time to meet me later."

"The answer has changed. It's now Hell No."

"Don't you miss conversations like this?"

"…You mean these stupid quarrels?" She thought about it. Dammit, when she gets home, Kirin will complain to her about Shigure's piercings and then Shigure will complain about his pain and how he hates his job and then Hiei would complain about how he hates everything and no one ever wants to spar with him and some other guy will complain about the heater and the nose guy will complain about his allergies and "…I suppose. What's your point?"

"You want to carry this on at the park a few weeks from now about noon?"

"...Okay, sure. Now please… go away."

(See story two.)

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